Reflection (Yes, like the song from Mulan...)

I rarely complain about not having a boyfriend. Really. God has made it very clear that I'm not ready for a relationship at this time, and although it's almost frustrating, I just have to trust that God knows what he's doing. Very recently though, I have dared to ask God why it is that I'm not ready. I could think of a million reasons as to why I am, and don't understand why God would deprive me of a relationship. And like God always does, he answered my prayers.

These past couple of months I have gone through somewhat of a transformation. Not completely, but more of an update. A makeover, if you will. In this time I have tried listening to different types of music, switched up my wardrobe a little bit, and even tried different types of food. Though my taste in friends hasn't changed, I have noticed that my friends change themselves without any help from me. And with every change they make, I find that I change a little too.

All this said, I'm still trying to find me. Although I'm very comfortable with myself as a person, I still don't know "who I am". But how can you, really? When do you who you are, and how do you know when you've gotten there? These are questions I find myself asking a lot, but can't seem to find the answers too.

It was only yesterday that I was introduced to a verse that answers this question perfectly:

"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." Ephesians 1:11

The reason that God hasn't put me in a relationship is because I still don't know who I am. And although it may seem like I do, being comfortable with yourself and knowing who you are as a person are two different things. Going into a relationship and not knowing who you are can be detrimental to both parties in the sense that they will only look for who they are in each other instead of God.

Although it's almost painful to say that I'm not ready for a serious relationship at this time, I know that great joy can come out of waiting for God-- I've seen it! And if there's one thing I need to learn, it's patience. I just hope that by sticking with God, that he will help shape me into the woman that he wants me to be, and not screw things up by jumping ahead of his marvelous plan.

till the mirror reflects,

lindsey