The search for passion

For those of you who don't know me that well, I'm a pretty passionate person. I am passionate in everything I do, whether I'm good at it or not. I try my best and give it everything I have, both physically and mentally.

Recently though, I feel as though I have been lacking in living a passionate life for God. Something in me lately has really stirred my soul in wanting to do more for the furthering of God's kingdom... but what? I feel as though God is preparing me to do something greater for his purpose, but all I can do right now is pray that His light would shine through it. But I still ask the question, where to begin?

On Sunday, our pastor had a message on Phillipians 3:7-14, which says:

⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Doesn't that just get you fired up? If that doesn't make you want to pursue God with all your heart, then I don't know what will! This passion that God has instilled in my heart is meant for only him, and nothing else matters except following Him with everything that I have; mentally, physically, AND spiritually.

No matter what God wants me to do, I just have to 'press on' for the ultimate goal that God has for me: joining Him in heaven. Although I may not be satisfied with where I am right now, I know that God's plan will be revealed soon enough, and all I can do is wait and be obedient to what God has called me to do.

Yes, I, Lindsey White, just used the word obedient. It's this new thing I'm trying. You should too! ;)

Reflection (Yes, like the song from Mulan...)

I rarely complain about not having a boyfriend. Really. God has made it very clear that I'm not ready for a relationship at this time, and although it's almost frustrating, I just have to trust that God knows what he's doing. Very recently though, I have dared to ask God why it is that I'm not ready. I could think of a million reasons as to why I am, and don't understand why God would deprive me of a relationship. And like God always does, he answered my prayers.

These past couple of months I have gone through somewhat of a transformation. Not completely, but more of an update. A makeover, if you will. In this time I have tried listening to different types of music, switched up my wardrobe a little bit, and even tried different types of food. Though my taste in friends hasn't changed, I have noticed that my friends change themselves without any help from me. And with every change they make, I find that I change a little too.

All this said, I'm still trying to find me. Although I'm very comfortable with myself as a person, I still don't know "who I am". But how can you, really? When do you who you are, and how do you know when you've gotten there? These are questions I find myself asking a lot, but can't seem to find the answers too.

It was only yesterday that I was introduced to a verse that answers this question perfectly:

"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." Ephesians 1:11

The reason that God hasn't put me in a relationship is because I still don't know who I am. And although it may seem like I do, being comfortable with yourself and knowing who you are as a person are two different things. Going into a relationship and not knowing who you are can be detrimental to both parties in the sense that they will only look for who they are in each other instead of God.

Although it's almost painful to say that I'm not ready for a serious relationship at this time, I know that great joy can come out of waiting for God-- I've seen it! And if there's one thing I need to learn, it's patience. I just hope that by sticking with God, that he will help shape me into the woman that he wants me to be, and not screw things up by jumping ahead of his marvelous plan.

till the mirror reflects,

lindsey