becoming a woman of God.

I am struggling with the transition of childhood to... well, boring. I am seriously one of those people that never want to grow up. That Toys 'R' Us slogan comes to mind... "I don't wanna grow up, I wanna be a Toys 'R' Us kid." I also think about Peter Pan and the magical mystery of never growing old.

But then again... If I never get old then I'm missing out on half the fun God has in store for me! The thing is... I don't know how to act like a grown up. How am I supposed to ask for respect and to be treated like an adult when I still watch cartoons and eat Fruit Loops in the morning? How (and when) do I make that transition?

Of course it's not as easy as saying "Alright! I'm 18! Time to be an adult!". Nothing is ever that easy. But I can pray everyday that God will change my heart into the woman he wants me to be. And what better guide than Proverbs 31 to help me along the way? I had a friend that recently blogged about that passage and it really stirred something in me: a desire to be a Godly woman. Not only one who fears the Lord, but one who also loves her husband, laughs without fear of the future, and one who is clothed with strength and dignity. Haha, you're probably saying. "Lindsey and dignity? Those two definitely don't go together..." But guess what? I'm actually going to try now, because this is what God desires for all his beautiful daughters! Now, does that mean that I still won't laugh and be crazy and have lots of fun? Of course not! It means that I am going to try harder to be that amazing woman of God that He wants me to be!

So, it has begun. My official and daily quest to be more like a woman of Christ. :)

Teenage Dream- Day 17

Yeah, yeah, yeah... It's been awhile since I did my picture challenge. From now I'm just going to do it when I feel like it because it has obviously gone on longer than a month and really doesn't matter any more.

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

Definitely our "Love Life" series at church. Through this series, I have learned what it really means to be in a relationship and how sharing your life with someone is not something to be taken lightly. Being a teenage girl, I think about my future husband/boyfriend (whichever comes first.;) on a daily basis. I so desire to have that one person in my life who will laugh with me, love me, and be there when the going gets tough.

Although it's very hard to explain everything I've learned during this series, I hope you will ask me sometime. I have completely changed my view on relationships and honestly can't wait until "He" comes along. But right now, I'm very happy where God has me and very excited for what he has planned.

The search for passion

For those of you who don't know me that well, I'm a pretty passionate person. I am passionate in everything I do, whether I'm good at it or not. I try my best and give it everything I have, both physically and mentally.

Recently though, I feel as though I have been lacking in living a passionate life for God. Something in me lately has really stirred my soul in wanting to do more for the furthering of God's kingdom... but what? I feel as though God is preparing me to do something greater for his purpose, but all I can do right now is pray that His light would shine through it. But I still ask the question, where to begin?

On Sunday, our pastor had a message on Phillipians 3:7-14, which says:

⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Doesn't that just get you fired up? If that doesn't make you want to pursue God with all your heart, then I don't know what will! This passion that God has instilled in my heart is meant for only him, and nothing else matters except following Him with everything that I have; mentally, physically, AND spiritually.

No matter what God wants me to do, I just have to 'press on' for the ultimate goal that God has for me: joining Him in heaven. Although I may not be satisfied with where I am right now, I know that God's plan will be revealed soon enough, and all I can do is wait and be obedient to what God has called me to do.

Yes, I, Lindsey White, just used the word obedient. It's this new thing I'm trying. You should too! ;)

Reflection (Yes, like the song from Mulan...)

I rarely complain about not having a boyfriend. Really. God has made it very clear that I'm not ready for a relationship at this time, and although it's almost frustrating, I just have to trust that God knows what he's doing. Very recently though, I have dared to ask God why it is that I'm not ready. I could think of a million reasons as to why I am, and don't understand why God would deprive me of a relationship. And like God always does, he answered my prayers.

These past couple of months I have gone through somewhat of a transformation. Not completely, but more of an update. A makeover, if you will. In this time I have tried listening to different types of music, switched up my wardrobe a little bit, and even tried different types of food. Though my taste in friends hasn't changed, I have noticed that my friends change themselves without any help from me. And with every change they make, I find that I change a little too.

All this said, I'm still trying to find me. Although I'm very comfortable with myself as a person, I still don't know "who I am". But how can you, really? When do you who you are, and how do you know when you've gotten there? These are questions I find myself asking a lot, but can't seem to find the answers too.

It was only yesterday that I was introduced to a verse that answers this question perfectly:

"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." Ephesians 1:11

The reason that God hasn't put me in a relationship is because I still don't know who I am. And although it may seem like I do, being comfortable with yourself and knowing who you are as a person are two different things. Going into a relationship and not knowing who you are can be detrimental to both parties in the sense that they will only look for who they are in each other instead of God.

Although it's almost painful to say that I'm not ready for a serious relationship at this time, I know that great joy can come out of waiting for God-- I've seen it! And if there's one thing I need to learn, it's patience. I just hope that by sticking with God, that he will help shape me into the woman that he wants me to be, and not screw things up by jumping ahead of his marvelous plan.

till the mirror reflects,

lindsey

luck's got nothing to do with it

I...like to switch things up...a lot. So, here's for the sixth blog name this year... "Luck's got nothing to do with it." And I think this one will stick. Why? Because I believe it with my whole heart.

Although I swore on my grave that I would never bring up college auditions again, it is what's going on in my life right now, and I completely believe whole heartedly that I never would have gotten through it without the help of Jesus Christ. Not to be rude or anything, but I'm not even sure if you guys understand how stressful auditions are... and I had to do THIRTEEN OF THEM. I mean, really.

No, I'm really not trying to brag about how much stress I was going through just a week ago, but it was truly the scariest thing I've ever had to do and by far the most difficult task I have ever had to complete.

Though it's tempting to think that all my perfect flights, smooth auditions, and a myriad of no mishaps are just coincidence, I happen to know that I wouldn't have gotten through a second of it without God's help. It is truly a miracle that I made it through this season and I can only hope God will continue to smooth my path.

till worries melt like lemon drops,

lindsey

By your love

Great. Another tough message to listen to at our church. You know what? I've decided that I really hate it when God gives me a kick in the pants. I think I'm doing just fine and then BOOSH.

Kick in the pants.

One of our youth pastors was talking about how to love. Wow, right? And that wasn't even what really caught my attention. Sure, I know how to love. I love people everyday! I love my friends, family... No. Not that loving all those people doesn't count, but by showing the love that I have to just my friends and family... is that really imitating God's love for us? Did God just love on his disciples? Of course not! God loves every single human being on this planet unconditionally. Now can I do that? Obviously not. But, I can show love to all those kids I normally ignore at swim practice, or the poor guy that has to bag my tampons at Kroger!

What I really remember from Todd's message was a verse from John:

"Our love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples."

Basically what this says is that by loving people we are showing the whole world that we are followers of Christ! No pressure or anything! It is by his love that we are alive and breathing today, why not shout it from the roof tops are share it with the rest of the world?

by his love,

lindsey

It's here!

2011 is here! And it seems I've had a change in character since it has arrived. Yep, I guess you could say that my whole outlook on tackling the future has changed.

Today at church, I was reminded that a true Christian lives out their faith based on what is written in the Bible. That's what it was written for-- for us to have a base of knowledge that is applicable to every day life.

In Deuteronomy 31:6 (the message) it says,

"Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you."

Why should I live my life in fear of the future when God specifically says not to? I find myself ignoring the Bible's advice more and more simply because I don't believe it applies to my life at all times. HA! That is exactly like turning my back on God because I don't think he understands what I'm going through. But that's exactly why he sent his son Jesus to live a normal, human life. So he could say that he knows exactly what we're going through. God, himself, has felt physical and mental pain. He knows what I'm feeling and that's why he wrote the bible, so he could tell us that!

Although it's hard to process and embrace right away, I am trying my best to live a life without fear or worry. Because God goes before me, I have nothing to fear. It's as simple as that.

The whole college process seems very intimidating and stressful to me right now, but I know that God has a future and a plan for me. To quote the Big Guy himself, "...plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope."

till the words are lived out,

lindsey

thanksgiving and a hardened heart

I am drowning in a sea of STRESS. Five days till deadlines and my parents are adding at least another 5 or 6 schools to the list. None of which I have filled out applications or written essays for!!

I know they are just looking out for me, and they want to increase my chances of getting into a school but it's literally crushing me. As in, I can't take it anymore. I have never felt such a sinking feeling every minute of everyday like I do now. The pressure of holding my whole future in my hands is such an overwhelming feeling, so overwhelming to the point that my physical state is changing. I can't sleep, I'm gaining wait, and I am constantly fatigued. All this stress is really starting to take a toll.

Today in my devotional, the main verse was Psalm 118:24 "This is the day that the LORD has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it." The reading also went on to say how precious are those who thank God even in the darkest of days.

HA. HOW in the world am I supposed to thank God in a time like this? I feel as though I am completely sinking and no one is going to pull me up. It's like someone literally ripped the steering wheel right out of my hand.

I know this is just God's way of reminding me that HE is the one in control, but how am I to thank him with a joyful heart when I feel as though there is nothing to be thankful for right now. Obviously, that's not at all true, but that's just how it feels.


till i'm in,
lindsey.

why is God so freaking awesome?!

I got it. I got my regional time. 1.09.09 was my official time. All I can think about is the moment when I raised my head up out of the pool and Abe shouted "What's the regional time?

Me: 1.09.99

Abe: YOU GOT A 1.09.09!!! YOU GOT YOUR REGIONAL CUT!!

Can I just give God a round of applause? Seriously, no matter how hard I practice, no matter how fast I swim, it doesn't matter. Because without God I wouldn't even be able to breathe. My verse of the day yesterday was (of course) Phil. 4:13 which says,

"I can do ALL things who Him who gives me strength."

I am so thankful and so blessed with my regional cut time. I can't thank God enough. I am so happy right now I want to jump off a building!! (small building)

And to all my other teammates who also made cuts, congrats guys. ;) You deserve it.

till this girl goes to regionals,

lindsey.

God is goooooood.

Today is the day....that I have to make my regional cuts for swim team. I have have 5 chances and this is #1.

Last year, at our very last meet of the season, I was devastated to find out that I hadn't made my regional cut. Shaving off one or more minutes off your 50 free is a lot harder than you would think. Of course, I cried, but only because I had worked so hard.

This year, it's gonna be different. I have busted my butt at almost every single practice and have already succeeded in times faster than I had at the end of last year. Today, I WILL get my regional cut.

As you could see, I'm probably a little stressed out about it though. I mean, just because I am swimming faster this year doesn't mean I will be able to lay it down in the first meet. But I read something so completely and utterly awesome in my devotional today, that it couldn't be anything but God.

"Do not let any set of circumstances intimidate you. The more challenging your day, the more of My Power I place at your disposal."

Deuteronomy 33: 25 says, "As your day, so shall your strength be."

Holy cow!! Isn't it great to know that no matter how hard or challenging my day is, it just means that God is willing to give me more strength to get through it?! I think that's really freaking awesome!!

God and I are soooo gonna pwn this meet tonight it won't even be funny. :)

till the swimmer's take their marks,

lindsey.

every task seems to be harder for me simply cuz my name is lindsey...

It's come; the time for me to apply to colleges. Scary, I know. Just thinking about the fact that I'll actually BE in college by this time next year is so freaky! But by then, this whole ordeal with applications, auditions and all the PREPARATION involved will be over. And the only thing i'll have to worry about is how cute my dorm room will look. ;)

But, unfortunately I'm not there yet. I still have LOTS of work to do (good thing I have good teachers to kick my butt and keep my going!) As a Senior looking to audition for Musical Theater, there are many aspects of applying. Not only do I have write up multiple "creative" essays, but I also have monologue auditions, dance auditions, singing auditions, piano auditions, head shots, resumes, AND interviews that I have to prepare for and look forward too! And because I am applying to so many schools, all of them have different audition requirements, which in turn, makes more work for me.

I seriously, don't know how i'm going to get it all done in time! Along with all these fun, interesting tasks comes (believe it or not) my everyday life! I still have a job, work, piano lessons, voice lessons, swim team, and any shows that I will foolishly audition for and become over-committed with. :)

Yesterday, I was feeling a little overwhelmed. (no surprise there.) I was researching schools and then it hit me, I've got a LOT of work to do, and I have absolutely NO idea how I'm going to find the time to get it all done! I was thinking, I'm going to put all this work into my application, and I really have a slim-to-no chance of even getting in to most of these schools...but guess which verse I came across last night in my Bible?

JEREMIAH 29:11

"'For I know the plans I have for you.' says the Lord. 'Plans for a future and not for disaster.'"

THANK. GOD.

Cuz you know what? I couldn't do it without him. I know as tough as it's gonna get, God is gonna be right by my side and leading my the whole way! I KNOW that this is where God has gifted me, and by golly, I know if this is what he wants for me he's gonna make it happen!!

I just wish he would make filling out applications a little easier...

till the application deadline,

lindsey.

this girl is finally getting ahead.

I have always been the type of person that has to work for EVERYTHING. I have to pay my dues and work very hard to achieve anything.

Or so I thought.

Lately, things have been going pretty good for me. I was awarded "Most Talented" and received a $200 scholarship through Junior Miss, I was recently cast in the role of Deborah-Sue in Bye Bye Birdie, and as of late, I have become a recipient of the Merit Scholarship for Voice at Belmont Academy. But instead of praising God for being so incredibly faithful, I automatically give myself all the credit.

Which is sooo not right.

After all, who got me here in the first place? Who provided me with a piano? Who gave me this passion for music? Who gave me my voice?

God did. And it seems completely unfair, for someone like me- who has doubted God so many times- to take all the credit. So many times I have underestimated his faithfulness and his ability to make everything right, yet He still proves his loyalty to me time and time again.

So now, everytime I fail (or succeed for that matter), I will still praise Him. I will thank Him, and rejoice in Him because it is HIM who got me here thus far. I have absolute faith He will make everything the way HE wants it to be. And although I don't agree with everything He does, I know it will all work out in the end.

till the rock crumbles,

lindsey.

God's wonderful promise to us. :)

After so many people made the joke about building an Arc during the horrible floods, it reminds me of God's unfailing and beautiful promise he made to us.

Genesis 9:13 (The Message)

12-16 God continued, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and everything living around you and everyone living after you. I'm putting my rainbow in the clouds, a sign of the covenant between me and the Earth. From now on, when I form a cloud over the Earth and the rainbow appears in the cloud, I'll remember my covenant between me and you and everything living, that never again will floodwaters destroy all life. When the rainbow appears in the cloud, I'll see it and remember the eternal covenant between God and everything living, every last living creature on Earth."

It's so reassuring to know that even though hundreds of people had to flee their homes, that God is still there. He will help them get through this like He does is any bad situation. He is watching us, and He is faithful!!


Psalm 18:16 (NIV)

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters."


till the clouds clear,

lindsey.